V/H/S

[Clint cries out when seeing Lily approach him]

Lily:
I like you.

[Lily then kisses Clint's body]

Lily:
No like?

Clint:
[Lily crawls away beginning to cry] I'm sorry

[Clint hears Lily whisper to him at the bar for the first time]

Clint:
What? [Lily talks without any sound]

Clint:
I - I have no idea what you're saying. Why are you all alone? [Clint finally gets his drinks he was waiting for] Thanks, man.

Clint:
Hey, you want to go meet some people over there?

Lily:
[Lily silently whispers] I like you.

Clint:
Well, I like you too. So, do you ever come here... before?

Lily:
[Lily whispers quietly again] I like you.

Clint:
Oh, okay.

[Stephanie begins recording their second honeymoon video]

Stephanie:
Oh. Um... Okay. Hi. This is... Uh... We're going on a road trip. Sam and I are going on a road trip, and I'm gonna be recording our momentos, our memories. Um... First memory is Sam already pulling over to go to the bathroom. But this is what we're going be looking at for a long time, nothingness. Cars.

[Sam and Stephanie walk into an Old Wild West while touring around on their honeymoon]

Ol' Minor Fortune Teller:
[the Ol' Minor fortune teller machine begins talking to them] Believe it or not, this Ol' Minor here can see your future. Got some money? I'll tell you all about it!

Sam:
Got some money?

Stephanie:
I don't.

Sam:
How much does it cost to tell your future?

Stephanie:
I think it costs a dollar. But remember the movie Big?

Sam:
Are you afraid of your future? Hold on, let me see if I've got a dollar.

[the camera cuts to Stephanie putting in a dollar and Ol' Minor begins talking again]

Ol' Minor Fortune Teller:
Hey there, feller. This here's Pappy, and it must be your lucky day 'cause I have some words of wisdom just for you. Listen up, now, you hear? A closed mouth gathers no foot! Yep, yep. That's right. It's a whole lot better to say just a little bit than to say too much and wish you hadn't. You know what I'm saying? Now, don't you be a stranger. I got lots more to say to you.

Stephanie:
[a fortune card pops out] Oh, here we go. Okay, ready?

Sam:
Yeah.

Stephanie:
[reads from the card] A new turn of events will soon come about. A happy reunion... [the Ol' Minor machine begins talking again when Stephanie moves away continuing to read]

Stephanie:
A happy reunion... a happy reunion with a loved one will make life all that you ever wanted it or dreamed it to be. You have a very trusting nature and are easily taken in by so-called friends. Do not be so anxious to do favors unto others, as there is one who is just waiting to take advantage of your good nature. A new turn of events will soon come about. [stops reading]

Stephanie:
Happy reunion with a loved one. That's great. I'm gonna keep that forever. [Stephanie puts the card in her shirt pocket]

[first lines]

Rox:
Back up. Back up, back up. Turn around, turn around.

Gary:
Oh, yeah.

[the men wearing masks drive by a couple walking, then the men get out of their vehicle to confront the couple]

Brad:
[the cameraman tells the other assailiant] Show her tits! Ha ha ha! Whoo! [the cameraman notices the boyfriend of the girl charge after them] Oh, sh*t! Run, run, run! Go, go go!

Gary:
[the camera cuts to the footage afterwards of the men destroying a building] It's cool, huh?

Fifth Thug:
Hell, yeah!

[Clint puts on the video glasses for the first time with his friends Shane and Patrick]

Shane:
Oh, perfect fit!

Patrick:
Gimme! Gimme one of these!

Shane:
It's perfect! N-I-I-I-C-E!

Clint:
What?

Shane:
That sh*t is so quad. You can't even f***in' tell!

Shane:
[Shane and Patrick walk Clint to look at himself in the mirror] Oh, my god! Look at him, huh? Hey, dude, check it out, check it out. You like these glasses, right?

Clint:
Yeah.

Shane:
These are not just any glasses, my friend.

Clint:
They're dork glasses.

Shane:
These are video glasses, b*tch! There's a camera in that sh*t!

Patrick:
There's a f***in' mic in that sh*t!

Shane:
Yeah! Yeah! Dude, Look at 'em! You can't see it! It's awesome!

Clint:
Where can you get em'?

Patrick:
Internet, like... [Patrick continues to laugh all over]

Shane:
Oh, it's so good! I can't even...

Clint:
Am I just, like, a spy now?

Shane:
Yeah, superspy, man... super ass-and-titty spy. Yeah, tonight, I'm telling you.

Clint:
I get it. I know what you want to do.

Patrick:
[Patrick laughs and yells out] Yeah, you do! Oh, come on, turn it on! Man! Let's do this! Come on.

[Sam talks to Stephanie who's recording, about the strange girl that came to their hotel bedroom door]

Stephanie:
Sam? Sam?

Sam:
What?

Stephanie:
Will you come out here and tell me what happened?

Sam:
Huh?

Stephanie:
Will you come out here and tell me what happened?

Sam:
What happened just now? Um... Well, somebody knocked on our door and I answered it, and it was a girl - well, I don't know. She was like, young, but not - not, like, a girl-girl. Like, maybe a college-age girl. And... She asked if we could give her a ride... like, tomorrow.

Stephanie:
Where?

Sam:
I don't know, it didn't get that far. It was, like, really creepy.

Stephanie:
That's so weird.

Sam:
You know, it is really weird. My only guess is that she must be just going door to door and asking everybody, but why wouldn't you, like, wait for people to be getting into their cars tomorrow to ask for a ride? It's, like, really...

Stephanie:
Maybe it's an emergency.

Sam:
It didn't seem like an emergency. And also, she's, like, not - she wasn't physically intimidating, but I got instantly... nervous. There's something really scary, about her, even though I wasn't, like, afraid she was gonna hurt me, but she was just, like, weird.

[Sam questions Stephanie about taking money from him]

Sam:
Did you take money out of my wallet?

Stephanie:
No.

Sam:
Yeah, you did.

Stephanie:
[laughing] No, I didn't.

Sam:
Well, you must have because I had $100 in here...

Stephanie:
When would I do that?

Sam:
...And now I have zero dollars in here.

Stephanie:
Well, I didn't. So maybe you didn't actually have that money.

Sam:
What'd you buy?

Stephanie:
[raises her voice as Sam quietly stares at her] I didn't buy anything! I have my own money. I don't need to take your money. [pause] Are you serious?

Sam:
Did you...?

Stephanie:
[Stephanie laughs while Sam smiles] What do you think I did?

Sam:
Well, I don't know...

Stephanie:
I've been with you...

Sam:
...Because the money's not here.

Stephanie:
...This whole time.

Stephanie:
I've been with you this whole time. I have no idea what you could be possibly imagining right now.

Sam:
[clears throat] Well, it wouldn't be the first time... I guess you decided to treat yourself. [recording ends]

[Wendy drives her three friends out to the lake in the woods on Tuesday the 17th]

Wendy:
Can you not put that so close to my face?

Joey:
Sorry!

Wendy:
It's so annoying.

Spider:
Wait a minute - You go to this lake every year?

Wendy:
Yep.

Spider:
By yourself?

Wendy:
Um... Yeah. But this year, I have you guys, so it's gonna be fun.

Samantha:
What do you do, just like, walk around the woods and play with yourself?

Joey:
If - If that's what you do, can I play with Samantha?

Samantha:
Get it out...! [Samantha hits the camera away from her when Joey zooms in on her legs]

[Wendy continues to drive her friends out into the woods when they start to get curious as to why]

Samantha:
Because when you told me about this trip, you said it was just gonna be us girls, but now we're...

Joey:
Wait a minute. Wait a minute. [Joey begins recording himself] I need to document this, okay? You told me, Wendy - Wendy, my sweet - That this was just gonna be you and me, and now you've told her it's just gonna be an all girls trip.

Wendy:
Yeah.

Spider:
I'm just glad I'm with, you know, some people and not alone.

Samantha:
I don't want to hear a word about you jerking off.

Spider:
Well, I mean, I don't jerk off that much, but...

Samantha:
Not that much?

Joey:
Come on!

[the camera cuts to them arriving closer to their destination]

Spider:
Is this it?

Joey:
I don't know. Is this it? Oh, okay, yeah. [dramatically says out loud when reading the dead end street sign] This is - Ooh, dead end! Let's take the left! Really, Wendy?

[recording ends]

[the four friends in the woods see the tree covered in mushrooms]

Spider:
Whoa, whoa, look at that!

Joey:
What?

Spider:
Look. Look at this!

Joey:
Oh, wow.

Spider:
Isn't that awesome?

Joey:
[Joey zooms in on the mushroom tree] Yo, we could trip all day on that.

Spider:
[Spider laughs] Yeah.

Joey:
[Joey starts stroking the mushrooms on the tree] Yeah.

Samantha:
[Samantha joins in on stroking the mushrooms on the tree] Oh, yeah.

Joey:
[the two start stroking the tree together] Yeah, you like that?

Samantha:
Yeah - Dream on! [Samantha takes her hands off the tree and walks away with Spider laughing]

Wendy:
Joey... You're all gonna f***in' die up here.

Joey:
What?

[recording ends]

[Joey records the four friends in the woods having a little smoke together]

Spider:
Are you guys doing drugs?

Joey:
[Samantha laughs] What?

Samantha:
He f***in' calls it drugs!

Joey:
Wait, I gotta get this.

Spider:
Are you guys doing drugs right now. Seriously?

Samantha:
No, oh, my god, Spider, the look on your face right now...

Spider:
No, seriously.

Wendy:
Spider, can I tell you something?

Spider:
Okay.

Wendy:
You're a f***ing dweeb.

Spider:
Whatever, I don't - I don't do drugs. How 'bout that? How's that sound?

Samantha:
Spider, why. What's wrong? Why do you look so scared. Just take a hit.

Spider:
I'm... scared of getting the fear.

Samantha:
What?

Joey:
What?

Spider:
The fear. You never heard of that? [Joey and Samantha laugh simultaneously]

Spider:
Don't laugh. Don't laugh! I'm serious. The fear. You know, when you do too many drugs and then you get, like, all freaked out and crazy.

Samantha:
Spider, there's no f***ing such thing as the fear.

Joey:
Just take a hit, bro.

Samantha:
Take a f***ing hit and chill out!

Joey:
Come on!

Spider:
I'll take a hit if you don't film it.

Samantha:
Promise.

Joey:
Okay. [Samantha hands him the smoke and Joey continues to record]

[Spider records the friends talking to Wendy about the murders in the woods]

Joey:
Wendy, what the f*** were you saying before about us all gettin' killed?

Spider:
Wait, what?

Samantha:
When did she say that?

Joey:
When we were over by the mushroom tree. When we were standing over by the tree, she was like, you're all gonna f***in' die!

Spider:
What do you mean, like, here? Like, here-here?

Joey:
Here?

Wendy:
Did you guys not hear about this?

Spider:
No.

Samantha:
Why the f*** would I come to this lake if I heard about some damn murders out here?

Wendy:
Yeah. It was pretty bad.

Spider:
Wait.

Samantha:
Are you being serious?

Joey:
You're f***in' with us! Get outta here!

Wendy:
No, I'm being dead serious.

Spider:
Well, what happened?

Wendy:
Um... You know, the weird thing is that I don't remember what he looked like.

Samantha:
What do you mean, you don't remember?

Spider:
What who looked like? What are you talking about? [Wendy starts laughing]

Samantha:
What?

Spider:
F*** you! F*** you! I told you guys!

Joey:
What the f***?

Spider:
The fear! You see!

Samantha:
She gave me the f***in' fear!

Spider:
F*** this!

[Wendy records Joey as she tells him the truth about the woods]

Joey:
You were serious earlier, weren't you? About the murders. I remember reading about it now. It was, like, four kids were killed, and the guy - they said the guy was, like, insane.

Wendy:
He was beyond insane. He was evil. This lake ran red with their blood, and I came back...

Joey:
To move on. I - I get it. It's some kind of, like, post-traumatic stress therapy or something.

Wendy:
No, it's not therapy. I brought you back because I needed bait.

Joey:
Bait?

Wendy:
They never caught him, Joey. They never believed me, how - How he was everywhere. How he could be at two places at once. That wall back there - my friend smashed her head open on it.

Joey:
Wendy, this is crazy, okay? I think you need help. Maybe we should just get the others and get the f*** out of here.

Wendy:
They're dead, Joey. He's back.

[Joey and Spider talk in the woods]

Joey:
What are you - ? Wait. I have a question. What are you doing here? Huh?

Spider:
See that, uh, blonde goddess up there?

Joey:
No, where?

Spider:
[Joey zooms in on Samantha walking up the hill] That's what I'm here for.

Joey:
I don't see much of a blonde goddess anyhwere.

Spider:
Oh, uh... blonde crack whore, according to you, right?

Joey:
She is a crack whore.

Spider:
Hey, give me the camera.

Joey:
You're not gettin the camera bro.

Spider:
Just gimme it for a second.

Joey:
Why?

Spider:
Cause I wanna do something with it.

Joey:
No. Go f*** yourself.

[Emily & James chat by using webcam on the computer and have a little flirt]

James:
Hey!

Emily:
[smiles] Hi!

James:
How was - How was work?

Emily:
It was fine. One of the other girls, uh, called in sick, so I was the only one answering phones all night. Also, my - my arm's been really bothering me. It's like I bruised it or something, but I don't remember how. [Emily holds her arm up to the webcam] I think you can see. There's a bump there. Can you see?

James:
Mnh - Mnh.

Emily:
Well... I know I said I didn't want this, but when you're a doctor, could you just support me, and I'll just... Stay at home?

James:
I guess, yeah, if you want that.

Emily:
[laughs] That was easy.

James:
I mean, do you want me to make it difficult for you? Like, um... I don't know, Emily. I guess you'll have to convince me here.

Emily:
[blushes] No! Really?

James:
I mean... maybe a little convincing, or...

Emily:
Well, how 'bout now?

James:
[Emily sits up and removes her shirt] Maybe a little more?

Emily:
[Emily removes her bra as James watches] How 'bout now?

[Emily puts her chest to the camera giving a shake before laughing]

[recording ends]

[Emily records herself to show James where she heard noises outside her room]

Emily:
Well, now I can show you my apartment.

James:
Yay, I mean... I'm gonna see it soon enough.

Emily:
Well, Fall Break's not soon enough.

James:
Um... I know.

Emily:
All right, so this... Like, right here... Uh, this is where I heard the footsteps.

James:
[Emily shows James the hallway in front of her bedroom door] Um, back there?

Emily:
Yeah.

James:
Right. I mean, uh, could it have been coming from up stairs?

Emily:
No. I mean... I know - I mean, my neighbor always wears heels, so I know what that sounds like. It was weird. It was like, while it was happening it didn't seem like it was real, but I was awake.

James:
And you didn't check?

Emily:
Are you kidding me? No way. I can't believe I was even, like, able to fall back asleep.

James:
I mean, it sounds like you were asleep.

Emily:
Okay, well, next time it happens, I'll call you and you can watch me, and maybe I'll be brave enough to open the door.

James:
'Kay.

Emily:
[smiles] Okay.

[recording ends]

[Emily talks to James about seeing the ghost kid through her webcam, and the mysterious lump in her arm]

Emily:
So, you think you saw... Are you sure you saw, like, a little kid?

James:
I mean, I - I think I saw something, but it could have been anything, Emily. Like, you know, maybe it was, like... a breeze or something like that.

Emily:
Breeze. Man, of all the times for you to not be recording our chat!

James:
I'll record it next time.

Emily:
I need to find out if a little kid died here. I'm gonna ask my landlord.

James:
Um... I - I don't know if you should do that. I - I don't - I can't imagine he'd be thrilled to have that conversation.

Emily:
Yeah, well, I think he has to tell me. I think it's the law or something.

James:
The law? [Emily continues to pinch the bruised area on her arm] Why are you messing with your arm like that? What's wrong?

Emily:
It's not... It's not getting better. It's like there's... Like, a lump under my skin or something.

James:
You shouldn't do that. That's not good for you. Just stop touching it, and when I come and see you, I'll check it out, okay?

Emily:
Okay. You're right.

[recording ends]

[Emily attempts to record what's outside her door with James watching through the webcam]

James:
Emily? Hello? Hey.

Emily:
Hey. Hey.

James:
What's... What's going on?

Emily:
There's something at my door. Listen.

Emily:
[Emily records indistinct sounds coming from outside her bedroom door] Did you hear that?

James:
What was that?

Emily:
Shh. [Emily walks to her bedroom door and zooms in to record the door knob jiggling] Did you see that?

James:
Emily, what are you doing?

Emily:
I'm going to open the door with you here.

James:
No - What, that's stupid. Why?

Emily:
No, no, this is just like before.

James:
Hey.

[Emily opens the door and records outside her bedroom door, only seeing a blackness throughout her apartment]

Emily:
[Emily returns back to her bed with her laptop] See? I told you. My apartment's haunted.

James:
It's not haunted. I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation.

[Emily shows James the hole in her arm]

James:
What's that? What are you doing?

Emily:
Oh, well, I felt that lump move in my arm today. So...

[Emily holds up the hole she dug in her arm to James on the webcam]

James:
Emily, what the f*** is that? Don't do that!

Emily:
Thought it might be a spider bite. You know, how you hear about - or like?

James:
That's an urban legend. That's not real.

Emily:
It's right under there. Look, look, I'll show you.

James:
Stop! Stop that! Don't do that, okay? That's not good for you. This is like your leg, like seven years ago. You still have the scar from that.

[Emily gets up from the webcam and goes to the kitchen]

James:
Emily, what the f*** are you doing?

[Emily returns with a sharp steak fork]

Emily:
Well, I think if I just...

James:
No, no, no, no, no. Put that away. Seriously, Emily, look at me. Emily! Emily, look at me, okay? You need to put that away, all right? Digging around in your arm is not gonna do any more good. All right? You just need to put some alcohol on that or iodine or something like that and - And - And put a bandage on it, all right? 'Cause otherwise it's just gonna get infected, okay? You know, I'll be there in a week and I'll look at it, but, but for right now just leave it alone. You're acting really crazy, all right?

Emily:
Okay, okay.

James:
Okay. I mean... Can you go to the bathroom and clean that off?

Emily:
Yeah, yeah. I'll be right back.

[James covers his face with his hand and shakes his head, recording ends]

[Emily late in the night asks for James to help her see the ghost in her apartment]

James:
Emily?

Emily:
Yeah?

James:
Are you there?

Emily:
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

James:
I gotta - I gotta do some work, so what's going on?

Emily:
I know, this'll only take a minute.

James:
What's up?

Emily:
He's outside my room. I think, I can hear the little boy's footsteps.

James:
That's really scary, Emily, what are you talking about?

Emily:
Well, I just - I need to talk to him, and I need your help.

James:
Um - I mean, I'll help in any way that I can

Emily:
Okay. Great, great. So, I'm gonna close my eyes so he doesn't scare me.

James:
What?

Emily:
I'm gonna close my eyes so I don't freak out... and run back in here, okay? So you're just gonna tell me if he's there and if he's paying attention to me, and then I'll talk to him. I'll find out what he wants - If he wants me to find his body, or... whatever. I just. Uh... I don't want to look at him. He's a ghost. He freaks me out.

James:
What? Um... Okay. All right.

Emily:
Okay, can you do that?

James:
Okay.

Emily:
Okay, okay. So, as soon as - as soon as I open the bedroom door I'm gonna close my eyes, and then you'll me what's there, okay?

James:
All right.

Emily:
Okay, are you ready?

James:
Yeah, yeah.

Emily:
All right, I'm closing my eyes.

[James tries to comfort Emily who doesn't know what to feel anymore]

James:
Listen, you're gonna be okay.

Emily:
You don't know.

James:
I do, you're gonna be fine.

Emily:
[in tears] You deserve to be with someone normal - You know, someone who doesn't have so many problems. What if we want to have kids someday?

James:
You know, um... You're the only person I've ever wanted to be with, Emily, so just... Stop acting like I have a choice in the matter, all right?

Emily:
I don't know what I did to deserve someone... you're so good to me.

James:
Get some rest.

Emily:
I love you. [pause] Talk to you later.

James:
All right.

[Emily blows James a sad kiss, recording ends]

[Tyler gets ready to go out to the Halloween party with his friends]

Roommate (segment "10:
[Tyler looks at himself in the mirror getting the cam set up to the head of his bear costume] Hey, dude, your dumb friends are here. You know all of this stuff's coming down at midnight, right?

Tyler (segment "10:
Mm - Hmm.

Tyler (segment "10:
[Tyler see's his friends outside honking the car horn] Yo! I'll be right down.

Tyler (segment "10:
[Tyler walks towards the front door to leave passing the roommate on the couch] Come out, dude, it's gonna be an awesome party.

Tyler (segment "10:
[there's a pause when Tyler doesn't receive an answer] Or not.

Roommate (segment "10:
Dude, come on, aren't you a bit old for this sh*t?

Tyler (segment "10:
[Tyler heads out the front door] Happy Halloween!

[Tyler joins his friends in the car to head out to the Halloween party]

Tyler (segment "10:
[Tyler gives out a fist sign as he gets closer to the car] Yo!

Chad (segment "10:
Yeah!

Tyler (segment "10:
[the friends all chuckle inside of the car] Ha ha ha! What's up, guys? How's it going?

Paul (segment "10:
Awesome! That is awesome!

Chad (segment "10:
What the hell?

Matt (segment "10:
Are you a bear?

Tyler (segment "10:
I'm a Nanny-Cam.

Chad (segment "10:
A Nanny-Cam!

Paul (segment "10:
Better than the Unabomber.

Matt (segment "10:
Let's go and do this. Paul, you know where we're going, right?

[recording ends]

[Tyler and his friends find the door to the attic of the empty house, where they hear muffled chanting and screaming]

Cult Leader (segment "10:
And then, through the unity of the men with the sword. Arise, O lord!

Cult Members:
Cast you down!

Cult Leader (segment "10:
Do as ye have said, and fall upon him and burn him, that thou mayest take away the innocent blood which Joab shed, from me, and from the house of my father. Arise O Lord!

Cult Members:
Cast you down!

Cult Leader (segment "10:
Arise O Lord!

Cult Members:
Cast you down!

Cult Leader (segment "10:
[Tyler and his friends arrive to the top of the stairs to the attic, chuckling] A sword is upon the liars! A sword is upon the mighty men, and they shall be dismayed. A sword is upon their horses, and upon their chariots, and upon all the mingled people that are in the midst of her. Arise O Lord!

Cult Members:
Cast you down!

Cult Leader (segment "10:
Arise, O Lord!

Tyler (segment "10:
[Tyler and his friends begin chanting in unison] Cast him down! Cast him down! Cast him down!

Cult Dude (segment "10:
Who are you?

Cult Dude (segment "10:
Who are thou foulings?

Tyler (segment "10:
[Tyler's and his friends' chant becomes slower] Cast... you!...

Roommate (segment "10:
What are you doing here?

Paul (segment "10:
We're just here for the party.

Roommate (segment "10:
What are you doing here?

Tyler (segment "10:
Sorry.

Matt (segment "10:
Sorry.

Roommate (segment "10:
[screams] You shouldn't be here!

Niky (segment "10:
[screams] Please help me!

Cult Leader (segment "10:
Quiet, you, quiet! Get away from me!

Tyler (segment "10:
[Tyler and his friends see the cult leader slapping the girl] Whoa. Hey!

Roommate (segment "10:
...Understand me! [the cult leader slaps the tied up girl across the face]

Cult Dude (segment "10:
Leave! Run!

[last lines]

Tyler (segment "10:
[Tyler and his friends are locked in a car over the railroad tracks as a train approaches] Unlock the doors, Chad.

Paul (segment "10:
At least open my door.

Matt (segment "10:
What the f***! What the f***, man!

[the locomotive lights brighten as it gets closer to the car, the train hits its horn while the friends continue to try and get out of the car]

Tyler (segment "10:
[screaming] Chad, what the f***, man! Unlock the doors!

Matt (segment "10:
[screaming] F***! Chad!

[the locomotive lights become blinding as the brakes start shrieking on the train, as Tyler and his friends start screaming]

Tyler (segment "10:
[screaming] Aaaaaaahhhhhh!

[recording ends]